


We're Not Together!

by wonker8



Category: Avengers Movie-verse
Genre: M/M, Misunderstandings of the best kind, because they're obviously not together (until they are)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-20
Updated: 2012-07-20
Packaged: 2017-11-11 23:29:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/484091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonker8/pseuds/wonker8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, the whole world sees it before you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're Not Together!

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fill for [Avengerskink prompt](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/5758.html?thread=7809150#t7809150): "5 times someone (in the Avengers? Fury?) thought Clint and Phil were dating, and the one time they actually were."

1.  
The Black Widow dropped kicked his handgun away and Clint let her. He held up his hands, palms facing her, and let his intentions be clear to her. She still moved to point her knife at his throat. Clint let her.

“Why aren’t you fighting back?” she snapped. “You were sent to kill me. I heard your transmissions with your boyfriend.”

“Coulson’s not my boyfriend,” Clint told her calmly. “And I’ve reconsidered my options. You’re good. Like really good. I’m good but I hold no candle to you. You’ll make an awesome partner.”

“I can still kill you, little boy,” she hissed, clearly disliking his chatter.

“Ouch. Little boy? Really?” was his first reaction. Coulson yelled at him over the comm (“Hawkeye, what are you doing? Why don’t you ever follow orders? Your mission was to kill the Black Widow!”), but really he had been doing that for a while, ever since Clint came up with the decision, so Clint ignored him. Instead, Clint smiled at the dangerous assassin. “I may look young, but I promise you I’m no jail bait.”

Her eyes narrowed. “This is a trap,” she declared. “And I can hear him in your ear. You have a hidden weapon somewhere, don’t you?”

He shrugged. “Search me.”

“Wouldn’t your boyfriend be upset if I felt you up?” she asked, amusement in her eyes.

Clint shook his head, laughing softly, Coulson was still yelling in his ears. “No seriously, Coulson and I aren’t dating. He’s just noisy.”

She gave him a look of distrust, but at least she put the knife away. Clint considered it his victory.

2.  
“Director Fury, you wished to speak to me?” Phil asked as he walked into the director’s office.

“Coulson,” Fury greeted. “You’re one of my best men, which is why I think this should be quick and painless.”

The agent nodded, patiently waiting for the point of this discussion. He had important things to do such as paperwork and tracking down Barton who had ran off from the medical once again. Really, maybe someone should just tie the kid down to the bed so that he won’t get away so easily. It would at least save Phil the pain of tracking him down later. Then again, maybe it actually wouldn’t do anything, because Barton was nothing if not talented, and who knows what kind of neat little tricks he picked up from his days at the circus?

Fury took a deep breath. “You know of the no fraternizing rule at SHIELD, yes?”

Phil nodded, because, really, who didn’t know of it? They had seminars to remind them every couple of months. Someone would have to be dumb (and if they were dumb, they wouldn’t be in SHIELD) or be Barton (it’s not that he was dumb, he was just really good at sneaking out of those seminars) to not know of those!

“Then you need to either teach Barton about those-”

Ah, of course. This was about Barton being stupid. Phil inwardly sighed. Seriously, that guy was going to be the death of him.

“-Or both of you need to come up with better ways to flirt.”

Wait what?

“I’m embarrassed by the amount of reports I’m getting about my top agents being ridiculously obvious about their flirting. I pay you to be secretive. What you do outside on your own time is none of my business. But as long as you’re on SHIELD property, you need to drop the love-sick teenagers act!”

“Sir, I’m afraid there’s been a misunderstanding,” Phil said.

“That better be true,” Fury growled.

“Agent Barton and I are not in any kind of relationship, romantic or otherwise. The only ‘relationship’ that we have is that of a handler and his asset. We do not engage in any kind of flirting, secretive or obvious. There is no ‘love-sick teenagers act’ to drop.”

Fury gave him a blank look. Then rolled his one eye. “I get it! I get it! You two aren’t together, blah blah. Just stop making it so fucking obvious. I can’t always cover your back.”

That was a dismissal, so Phil made his way to the door. He shook his head, not getting just why the director wouldn’t believe the truth.

3.  
Clint dodged the oncoming attacks of fireballs from the bear-sized dragons. Drawing forth his arrow, he fired, aiming for the eyes (He had learned very fast that the scales couldn’t be pierced by his arrows). He let out a loud “Yeah!” when his arrow hit the mark (Well of course) and fell to the ground with a twitch.

“Aim for the eyes,” he told over the comms. “The scales may be near indestructible, but their eyes are vulnerable.”

“Thank you for the tip, Hawkeye,” Steve said gratefully.

“Yeah, yeah,” Clint said as he fired another shot at another dragon. He glanced around, wondering how many more there was when…

“Coulson!”

A dragon was approaching the agent, its mouth filled with fire. “Like hell I’ll let that happen!” He nocked and fired the arrow, and soon, the dragon was on the ground, twitching.

Coulson looked up to where Clint’s nest was. He gave an appreciate nod. “Nice shot.”  
*  
“So… you and Agent, eh?” Tony said casually as he slid up next to Clint.

Clint frowned. “What?”

“You’re banging Agent Coulson,” Tony said.

“Hell no!”

Stark frowned, staring searchingly at Clint’s horrified face. Then he leered knowingly. “I get it. You guys are secret agents. You need to keep it a secret. Don’t worry. I’ll keep it quiet.”

Then laughing to himself, Stark walked off, shaking his head. Clint blinked and cocked his head to the side. Did Stark just promise to keep something… _quiet_?

4.  
Of course, within the next hour, everybody in the Avengers thought that Phil and Barton were together.

Phil glared at Barton, who was sitting across from him in the kitchen, shrugging helplessly. “In my defense, I really didn’t think that protecting you automatically meant that Stark thought we were fucking.”

“This isn’t the first time this has happened, though,” Phil snapped, losing his legendary cool. “Directory Fury-”

“Wait, even Fury thinks we’re fucking?”

The SHIELD liaison snarled a little and leaned forward on the table so that their faces were merely inches apart. “I fail to see the humor in this situation,” he hissed at his asset.

“Aw, come on, Phil! It’s hilarious!”

And at that moment, Bruce walked into the kitchen, followed by Thor and Steve. The three looked at the closeness of Phil and Clint on the kitchen table, remembered what Stark had said, and blushed. Yes, even Thor blushed.

“Ah… We… We’ll come back… later,” Bruce said, quickly turning around. “Sorry Thor, I’ll teach you to use the microwave when the kitchen isn’t… occupied.”

“Sorry,” Steve said, blushing and not meeting their eyes.

“Take as long as you need, Son of Coul, Eye of Hawk!” Thor shouted as he was pushed out of the doorway by Bruce and Steve. “We shall not interrupt your… How did Tony put it? Ah, ‘alone time’ together!”

Phil closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.

5.  
The journalist all but leered at Clint, staring at him with a look that could be described as one a predator would give before pouncing on its prey. The archer really disliked the way he was being stared at.

“So Hawkeye,” she said, leaning in closer. “Do you have anyone… _special_?”

Clint chuckled at that and shook his head. “Nope. I’m as single as they come!”

The other Avengers all looked at him in disbelief.

Natasha let out an unattractive snort.

“That’s a little cold, Clint,” Bruce said.

“How can you say something so cruel, Eye of Hawk?” Thor demanded.

“Dude, is he that bad in bed?” Tony asked.

“But Clint! You’re with…” Steve began. Then he stopped, realizing what he was about to say. He coughed nervously and began to obviously fidget. “I mean, I get it if you want to keep quiet, but I don’t think you should say that you’re single.”

The journalist raised her eyebrow, her leer growing more and more obscene. “Oh?”

Clint groaned and dropped his head in his hands. “Look, Phil and I aren’t like that!”

“… Phil?” The journalist asked as she waggled her eyebrows.

“We aren’t dating!” Clint snapped.

“That’s enough questioning, ma’am,” Phil said as he stepped up to the interviewing area. He pulled Clint out of his chair. He motioned for the rest of the Avengers to follow.

The article published the next day was more guesses and rumors than actual fact. But apparently that was exactly what the public wanted, because that article was printed, reprinted, and posted everywhere in the following month.

+1.  
Fury sat both Clint and Phil down in his office and glared at them with his own eye.

“You’ve caused quite a lot of problem for the PR department,” he growled. “Didn’t I tell you to keep this stupid thing a secret?”

“With all due respect sir,” Phil said. “What exactly are you referring to as a ‘stupid thing’?”

Fury raised an eyebrow at that. “I mean that,” he said, pointing.

Clint grinned and Phil just gave Fury a bland smile, both blissfully ignoring the look Director Fury was giving their intertwined hands.

“I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about, sir,” Phil reported.

“Ditto that.”

The director of SHIELD just sighed and rubbed his temples in answer.


End file.
